Awakening to Feeling Whole

By Rob Bogosian

During our monthly Trail Blazers gathering, Coach Di introduced a reflection exercise about “feeling whole." I wasn’t able in that timeframe to fully connect with what feeling whole meant to me or to articulate to myself or to the group what it looks like or feels like.

After our session, I spent time at my sister's, with my mom and her husband. As I was driving home, the song Time (1994) by Hootie  & The Blowfish (one of my favorite bands of all time) came on and I suddenly found myself awash with emotion. It was joyfulness.

I recognized then how much power music has to wash away the worries of the world. In that moment, I experienced what it felt like for me to be whole. I was able to access the wholeness I felt connecting with my mom, her husband, and my sister. Not so much in the moment it was happening, but in the post-wholeness where I was now able to appreciate it. While I was on Zoom for The Whole You session, they had made a salad and sweet corn for me. Afterwards I had done something nice for my sister and my mom's husband and received my second hug of the evening from my mom: the first when I came in, this one as I was leaving. All of this interaction was unrehearsed, organic and with a familiar, natural ease.

This realization of wholeness came like a wave crashing over me. As I was driving, tears welled up. I found myself involuntarily crying tears of joy, tears of wholeness.

I discovered then that wholeness for me happens when I'm in the present, undistracted, unworried, just being myself. Being good with who I'm being.

Without the session tonight raising my awareness, I would not have had this epiphany. From now on, I strive to pay more attention to those things that transport me to a joyous place and bring me into myself.

It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?